9.

How to be both
Last week I attended a discussion organised by an artist whose Doctoral research Enemies of Good Art is based upon the challenges one faces in an art world which is not so child friendly. I was clearly the youngest there, the only one expecting their first child. I kept quite quiet in the group, feeling inexperienced amongst the mothers of 2 or 3. What surprised me though, was that the majority of the group were all the primary care givers, the mothers, and so the first ones to give up or postpone their careers as artists. There was but one that commented on how her partner and her shared the duties, that they both made sacrifices.

I considered why I’d never thought about inequality in parenthood before. And then it hit me. My father became both my mother and my father when he had too. He absorbed both roles like he was born to do it, and raising us 5 was no easy task. Of course men can’t carry a child or breastfeed, but they can be as maternal as a woman.

So to me it wasn’t obvious that I would do everything. I never considered it. Perhaps I’m wrong to do so but I believe it should be equal. I expect him to wake up to night feeds, change nappies, help with school work and even take her to school. Im still extremely focused on my career path because I don’t believe I will want to give it up. I don’t want to trade in my soul for my daughter, hand in the keys to my independence and surrender each day to my house wife duties. I’d be happy to share the maternity leave, if that’s what he wanted. He should be able to have that time to bond with his child. As pretty as I may look in an apron and plastic gloves, I don’t agree with these roles we’ve been assigned.

I admire my father. Even through the mistakes and aggravation at times, I do believe that he is an incredible father. And the older I get I realise the sacrifices he made for us throughout his life, and I see how I would do the same if I had too. Although I’m hoping it will never come to that. I loved my childhood for the most parts, and what made it so good were my siblings. However, 5 children don’t come for free. And I watched them struggle, I still watch him now. And I only wish I could fix it. Repay him for everything. So I hope one day I’m in a position to.

So I plan to push forward with my career. Juggling a baby and a masters thesis is a daunting thought at the moment and I suspect I will not get through it without a bit of blood, sweat and tears. But I hope to tackle this supposed child discriminating art world. I suspect there will be times when I am cast away, canvas first, from many gallery institutions as soon as the term baby leaves my lips…but then that’s all the more reason to keep making work. I know I would never of chosen success over a family if I had to make such a decision, perhaps I was naïve, but I never really thought I’d have to choose. .