Today is a better day. I’m starting to feel more human. After much deliberation I’ve decided the only way forward is to combine feed. It’s sad to feel like I’ve failed with breastfeeding, but it’s not worth compromising the health and happiness of my baby to satisfy my own personal goals.
The past two days have been difficult, with my partner in work long hours over the weekend I’m left alone with the baby and the beginnings of yet another infection. My temperature is high and my milk production is floored from exhaustion, lack of food and illness. Struggling to make enough milk for belle means she’s awake every hour throughout the night crying.
She’s 2 weeks old today and that means dad has to go back to work, which I find I’m incredibly sad about. These last 2 weeks have been surreal, and we’ve spent every last minute discovering parenthood together, now I’m alone with the baby.
Feeling very tired and sad at the prospect of leaving Belle to go to uni, even if it just a couple of hours. Trying to make sure I’ve left enough milk for her whilst I’m away.
Have found even this small daily entry hard to keep up with after a bout of mastitis, an infection in my breast glands due to breastfeeding/expressing. Belle sleeps well in the morning after a rough night. Although the temperature meant I was awake longer than her.
Couch is slowly becoming covered head to toe in baby sick. Belle frequently takes too much milk and spits it back up…feeding on demand is not working so well. Dad has taken over for the day so I can finish my essay.
Belles first train journey back to Newcastle where she slept soundly in her dads arms. I don’t fancy sitting in the train toilet to express milk, nor do I want to sit in full view of everyone…so I have to suffer the pain of very full breasts.
1 week has flown by in a whirlwind of milk, poop and exhaustion. A long trip back home was worth it to see my grandads face as he held his great granddaughter in his arms.
Today we are going on a 4 hour car journey to visit my family at home. Belle sleeps most of the way, whilst I have to express my milk sat in the car.
She sleeps so well in her cot in the day …but come night time, she has none of it. Belle will only settle lying next to me, where she slept for 5 hours straight.
Nesting 